Jokes that don’t meet Flobs’ exacting standards thread

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In my mid teens, I travelled all over Scotland to follow my beloved Dundee.
Pissed up, pissed off, and tired, I got on the train for the short journey from Perth (St Johnstone) to Dundee.
Woke up in Aberdeen.

No problem, had another pint or 2 and got on the train to Dundee. Woke up in Edinburgh.
Got home well after midnight

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Done similar after flying back from Aus. Jumped on the Picadilly line and crashed out, woke up in Cockfosters. Walked over to the platform heading back into London fell asleep and woke up 2 stops before Heathrow.

The irony being, falling asleep on the picadilly line with luggage, everyone thinks your heading to Heathrow so don’t bother waking you up

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Last train home from Manc to Warrington after a day on the piss and a gig with my brother. Woke up in Chester with 2% in my phone and a VERY angry wife.

Did the same in London last summer. Don’t know where I woke up but fortunately the trains were still running. Still have the screen grab of 19 missed calls.

Now that’s degree level train sleeping!

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The train was quite crowded and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat. There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed French woman, but when he got there, he saw it was taken by the woman’s poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, “Ma’am, may I have that seat?”

The French woman sniffed and said to no one in particular, “Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.”

The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat available was under that dog. “Please, ma’am. May I sit down? I’m very tired.” She snorted, “Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!” This time the Marine didn’t say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window and sat down.

The woman shrieked, “Someone defend me! Put this American in his place!”

An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up. "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window.

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when travelling I had a M-F job working at a logistics company 8hrs a day, then on Fri/Sat/Sun nights I worked at a nightclub. Fridays I worked two shifts, and the bus ride home across Sydney was always a gamble. I started having to ask the driver when I got on the bus, for what stop I needed to get off at in case I fell asleep. Sometimes had to explain that I was working late, not drunk as the Aussies weren’t all that fond of hammered backpackers. One time I forgot and ended up having to walk from Waterfront St to Ultimo at 4am on a Sat morning.

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But can she play in midfield?

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Up front :grinning:

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No good for us then :wink:

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No better places for a piss up! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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