Anyway, if it’s important to you, I can delete it. I guess I just find grim dark humour a bit more interesting than slapsticks and so on. But I’ll delete it since it bothered you so much.
Ok. I also don’t find all the stuff posted here funny. But that just seems like it is beyond the pale and like it has come from Ivan Milat’s joke book for mass murderers or something.
Anyway you seem like you ‘have your heart in the right place’ on here normally and everyone’s entitled to their eccentricities so I’ll leave it there.
Thats okay im sorry to have upset you. Im not a fan of slapstick much either. Never really thought of ‘dark humour’ like that but that’s because I’m probably a miserable humourless git.
Hmmmm… is that name taken?
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Look, there is no sadism in me, PaulRoJo. Smirking or chuckling a bit from very black humour doesn’t mean that I find it fascinating in other more sinister ways.
As an example, I don’t ever watch Tarantio films or any films with torture or anything snuff-like. Most people I know sometimes enjoy a Tarantio movie, I don’t, I think it has stupid unnecessary over the top violence (to be fair, the chief reason for this is that I follow various wars closely due to an interest in geopolitics, so I watch too much real violence at times, which can be soul-crushing at times, and then using extreme fictitious violence for entertainment purposes turns me off completely, as I find it distasteful). I don’t judge people that like those films, but I don’t enjoy watching such films myself.
So yeah, I am a bit complex like that. But this joke, it was a muppet doll taking care of potted plants speaking a horrific black humour sentence out loud. I found it amusing due to how incredibly dark it was. We humans are indeed different.
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Not yet ! 
Sounds a bit like Cynical Git’s cousin though !
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Something much more light hearted then. This “hero” from northern Norway has made a few laugh, ever since this episode from a police reality series many years ago.
Can I take my di*k with me 
Yes, if it can hang on to you
On a serious note, why did they take him to hospital???
Thanks Magnus! When you compare how that would go in Australia or the UK or, god forbid, the US you really have to wish that anglosphere police were as calm and professional when dealing with a nuisance like this guy without needing to use ridiculous force and escalate the situation.
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A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so he thought he’d buy her a little something to keep her occupied while he was gone.
He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter.
He explained his situation. The old man said, “Well, I don’t really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don’t know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except—” and he stopped.
“Except what?” the man asked.
“Nothing, nothing.”
“C’mon, tell me! I need something!”
“Well, sir, I don’t usually mention this, but there is The Voodoo Penis.”
“So what’s up with this Voodoo Penis?” he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out a very old wooden box, carved with strange symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and there lay an ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said “Big damn deal.It looks like every other dildo in this shop!”
The old man replied, “But you haven’t seen what it’ll do yet.”
He pointed to a door and said “Voodoo Penis, the door.”
The Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with the vibrations, so much so that a crack began to form down the middle. Before the door split, the old man said “Voodoo Penis, return to box!” The Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more.
“I’ll take it!” said the businessman.
The old man resisted, saying it wasn’t for sale, but finally surrendered to $738 in cash and an imitation Rolex. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say “Voodoo Penis, my crotch.”
He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone. After he’d been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the Voodoo Penis.
She undressed, opened the box and said “Voodoo Penis, my crotch!” The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she’d ever experienced before. After three mind-shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she’d had enough.
She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off. Worried, she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help.
She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredible intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she’d had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained, “I haven’t had anything to drink, officer. You see, I’ve got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won’t stop screwing me!”
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied, “Yeah, right…Voodoo Penis my ass!!!”
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They took him to jail after he had a medical check up at a hospital, you can see that they look him up in a cell for the night afterwards. The reason for this is probably his intoxication and that they cannot be 100% sure if he will be okay sleeping it out in the jail cell. There have been a few tragedies in the past, hardly happens every year, but it has happened that someone has died over night in a cell. So it is routine with a medical check up for such cases if they are massively intoxicated like that. They probably also checked him for certain narcotics, which combined with alcohol could make the situation a bit different. So they are just being cautious.
Also, they are not actually jailing him. They are jailing him for the night, that’s it. It is because he was too drunk and a nuisance, perhaps scaring passers by.
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If it’s more than 3-4 lines long, it’s not funny…
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I came in here to be cheered up. What’s happened?
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I remember telling a variation of that in 1986 
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@Rambler was stood on the bridge at midnight;his lips were all aquiver, He gave a cough; his dick fell off, and floated down the river.
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The Captains name was slugger, by hell he was a bugger, he wasn’t fit to shovel shit, from one ship to another.
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My wife just asked if she’s the only one I’ve ever been with?
“Of course” I replied “the others were all 9’s or 10’s”
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There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.
News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and unstoppable. As each wrestlers legends grew, a match was set up between the two, America versus Russia. The match would be held in Texas.
John began training immediately. Every day his coach would tell him, “This Russian has a move called the Mongolian Death Grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian Death Grip. DO NOT let him get you in the Mongolian Death Grip”
The day of the match finally came. Just before each wrestler stepped onto the mat in front of the capacity crowd, the coach once again said, “Whatever you do, do not let him get you in the Mongolian death grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian death grip”.
Four seconds into the match, the Russian had the American in the Mongolian death grip. The coach buried his face into his hands and cursed John for not listening to his advice. All of the sudden he heard the crowd irrupt in a chant of USA USA USA. He looked up and saw the Russian pinned by John. The coach ran out to meet John and embarrassingly told him, “I didn’t see… Once he had you in the Mongolian Death Grip I looked away. How in the world did you get out of the Mongolian death grip?”
With heavy breath, John told him “Well coach, that Russian grabbed me and twisted my body in ways I never imagined possible. I was wincing in pain when I open my eyes and right in front of me were two testicles. So I bit them.”
“What???” Said the coach… “John I don’t think that is legal. You could be disqualified”
“I don’t know about that coach. But I can tell you one thing. You ain’t got no idea how strong you are until you bite your own balls.”
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