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A bus full of nuns is involved in an accident and they all die.
They arrive at the pearly gates of saint Peter.
SP: “Sisters, Welcome to Heaven. In a moment I’ll let you through the pearly gates but before that I must ask each of you a question.”
SP: “Sister Anne, have you ever touched a man’s penis?”
Anne: “Only with the tip of my pinky finger.”
SP: “Dip your finger into the holy water and you may enter the gates.”
SP: “Sister Mary, have you ever touched a man’s penis?”
Mary: “I just held one in my hand one time.”
SP: “Wash your hand in the holy water and you may enter the gates.”
Suddenly there was some noise at the back of the line where one of the nuns was cutting in front of the others and pushing them over to get ahead. SP sees this and tells her to calm down as there is no rush.
The sister replies: “I just want to gargle my mouth with the holy water before sister Susan dips her arse in it.”
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that’s one of the oldest jokes in Ireland. There were a number of variations when I was in high school
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Dave: “Hang on! Let me go to get my blowtorch!”
BBC Two - Trust Me, I'm a Doctor, Summer Special 2016 - Should you pee on a jellyfish sting?.
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Jim Bowen: Awww. You came so close. Here’s your BFH. Bus Fare Home.
Audience: claps
Contestant: Thanks, Jim. How much is the BFH?
Jim: It’s one pound fifty, love.
Contestant: Sorry, Jim, but it’s £1.75 now.
Jim: My apologies, love, here’s the extra 25 pence.
(Jim rummages around for some shrapnel)
Contestant: Thanks, Jim, but the buses are all contactless now…
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Yeah, I had that on national TV once.
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How did that prick manage to get my daily food intake?
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