A few minutes before a funeral started, the towns people were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God’s ultimate enemy was in his presence. So Satan walked up to the old man and said, “Don’t you know who I am?” The man replied, “Yep, sure do.” “Aren’t you afraid of me?” Satan asked. “Nope, sure ain’t.” said the man. “Don’t you realize I can kill you with a word?” asked Satan. “Don’t doubt it for a minute,” returned the old man, in an even tone. “Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical agony for all eternity?” persisted Satan. “Yep,” was the calm reply. “And you’re still not afraid?” asked Satan. “Nope.” More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, “Well, why aren’t you afraid of me?” The man calmly replied, “Been married to your sister for over 48 years.”
Once was stuck on a train from Blackpool back to Liverpool, and experienced something not a million miles from this. Girls pissed and on a hen night.
I was about half a dozen seats down the carriage, and the entire way they were loud, trying to get me to come over, over the top flirting. At first I was kind of chuffed at the attention, but became more annoying as the train went on (Its about an hour trip). Whole time I was polite, declined their advances. I think most of the train were just glad that their focus was on me rather than anyone else. Everyone else avoiding eye contact looking outside of the window 
.
As I got off the train the entire carriage clapped. In a way it was strangely brilliant in a British kind of way.
Now I wasn’t sure if this was breaking news or funny pictures thread… It’s probably both and the best indicator so far why we as a species are utterly fucked…
10% think they could beat up an elephant. What tickle it to death with tickle punches?
Why do so few women feel that they can’t beat a king cobra? Are these the ones not used to handling big snakes? 
Looking at that list the ones I reckon I could beat are everything from chimpanzee onwards.
