You found my tiktok channel!!!
I thought you’d like it.
Funny? Sad? Unbelievable?
- “We had to queue outside with no air conditioning.”
- “It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.”
- “We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white.”
- “There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners.”
- “The brochure stated: ‘No hairdressers at the accommodation’. We’re trainee hairdressers – will we be OK staying here?”
(c) Hannes Kreuzer
- “I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends’ three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller.”
- “My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.”
- “It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took the Americans three hours to get home.”
- “No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled.”
- “We bought ‘Ray-Ban’ sunglasses for five euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake.”
- “Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women.”
- A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.
- “The beach was too sandy.”
- A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she’d been locked in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the “do not disturb” sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room.
- A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a waterhole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel “inadequate”.
- “I was bitten by a mosquito – no-one said they could bite.”
- “I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.”
- “It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during ‘siesta’ time – this should be banned.”
- “On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food at all.”
- “We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels.”
That is hilarious
In a similar vein, genuine Quantas pilot and engineer complaints and responses. Last one is epic:
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what they’re for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S:Took hammer away from midget
Guest: The air conditioning doesn’t work.
Flobs: Correct, it’s winter!
Always found this to be my favorite one
Following @Klopptimist’s lead, the US Navy vs Canada
Americans: “Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.”
Canadians: “Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.”
Americans: “This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.”
Canadians: “No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.”
Americans: “THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES’ ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT’S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.”
Canadians: “This is a lighthouse. Your call.”
:0)
“I want to hang a map of the world in my house. Then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations I’ve traveled to, but first I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map, so it won’t fall down.” –Mitch Hedberg.
"My ex-girlfriend had weekly lessons with the devil on how to become more evil. I don’t know how much she charges him though”. –Emo Philips.
“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” –Jack Handey.
Mrs @Commando loves playing “putt putt”. We have a game whenever were away. There’s a trophy. 
Cute.
Hi Commando. How are you doing now. 