TAN legendary posts thread

[Nobluff]

Continuing the discussion from Thiago ALCANTARA: 2021/22:

@sandsoftime

When I was a lad not long passed my driving test, went on a first date with this ‘stunner’ to Knowsley Safari Park in this old car I had managed to scrape enough money to buy.
My mate said smear some peanut butter on the roof gulley’s and around the top of the windscreen, so when I go through the monkey compound, the Monkey’s won’t be interested in any other cars as they will clamber all over mine searching for the treats.
He said the girl will be ‘made up’.
He was right about the Monkey’s and the climbing and swarming all over my newly purchased pride and joy, so much so that not only was it difficult to slowly carry on driving through Monkey Land, with dozens upon dozens of these little monsters hanging off the car, but they were tearing my vinyl roof off the car strip by strip, wing mirrors ended up being carried back to the trees, wipers bent into submission, car aerial ripped out… they were in a frenzy and going wild banging on the car and windows as though they wanted to drag us out in looking for more peanut butter after they had quickly scoffed my original offerings… but if that wasn’t scary enough for this girl… one monkey started sucking the knob of another one right there on the bonnet in front of this first date of mine… not sure if it had some peanut butter smeared there through climbing over the roof, or it was that way inclined anyway… but either way, a little stiff pink matchstick of a knob got loads of attention that day with the eyes of the monkey rolling into the back of its head over and over…
Talk about being embarrassed…
As I had already told her my plan for attracting the attention… she then accused me of arranging and setting up the porn show that went with it…!!
She wasn’t my type anyway… well that’s what I kept telling myself that night :0))
Yeah, Knowsley Safari Park… will never forget it