Ah right yeah….
Guess we will see, seems odd all things considered.
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Come on you beautiful, we need you after the NT break.
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Don’t think he will be ready for the Watford game
I used to work at Knowsley Safari, great place. Spoke to Skrtel there once (I was the person you paid to get in). Jermaine Beckford came through as well taking his Nan out for the day. He was very nice.
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When I was a lad not long passed my driving test, went on a first date with this ‘stunner’ to Knowsley Safari Park in this old car I had managed to scrape enough money to buy.
My mate said smear some peanut butter on the roof gulley’s and around the top of the windscreen, so when I go through the monkey compound, the Monkey’s won’t be interested in any other cars as they will clamber all over mine searching for the treats.
He said the girl will be ‘made up’.
He was right about the Monkey’s and the climbing and swarming all over my newly purchased pride and joy, so much so that not only was it difficult to slowly carry on driving through Monkey Land, with dozens upon dozens of these little monsters hanging off the car, but they were tearing my vinyl roof off the car strip by strip, wing mirrors ended up being carried back to the trees, wipers bent into submission, car aerial ripped out… they were in a frenzy and going wild banging on the car and windows as though they wanted to drag us out in looking for more peanut butter after they had quickly scoffed my original offerings… but if that wasn’t scary enough for this girl… one monkey started sucking the knob of another one right there on the bonnet in front of this first date of mine… not sure if it had some peanut butter smeared there through climbing over the roof, or it was that way inclined anyway… but either way, a little stiff pink matchstick of a knob got loads of attention that day with the eyes of the monkey rolling into the back of its head over and over…
Talk about being embarrassed…
As I had already told her my plan for attracting the attention… she then accused me of arranging and setting up the porn show that went with it…!!
She wasn’t my type anyway… well that’s what I kept telling myself that night :0))
Yeah, Knowsley Safari Park… will never forget it
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Thought you said the date went badly for you?
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I’ve never been! I’ve lived close by on and off my whole life! I should probably make the effort one of these days 
I got asked daily “Is it true the monkeys can damage your car?”
And, despite me saying yes, it was always those people in the office at the end of the day complaining that a monkey nicked their license plate or windscreen wipers.
Our response was always the same… “When the monkey gives it back, we’ll let you know”.
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True story: I read this on my phone where I don’t have my account details. I lost the thread so I had to get the iPad out and search for “stiff peanut butter knob” in order to find this so I could ask a question.
Question: Did you kick her out the car and invite the monkey in?
BTW, it’s the first result in the search.
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@Nobluff This and the original post belong in the TAN Hall of Fame. Outstanding work, both of you.
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Was too traumatised by the damage they did to my car… everyone remembers their first car they ever bought after they pass their driving test… especially as a teenager…right.
Your life suddenly becomes one of open roads… new sights to see… adventures a plenty… no getting three buses home after discovering (too late), the girl you cop for in town lives 20miles in the opposite direction to yourself… all potential new girlfriends now become within reach… your car suddenly becomes your hotel bedroom… your lovers lane mobile park up… your own recording studio as you sing as loud as you want… your ‘Bat Out of Hell’ tunes turned up to an ear splitting volume as you are waiting at a red light, window down, head on a swivel like some ventriloquist dummy looking for the new love of your life… Yeah, well all those dreams of mine came crashing down in a safe parking area of Knowsley Safari Park after I escaped from Monkey Land enclosure. Most certainly as I was flicking off all the little long turds of monkey shit that was deposited all over the car… the smeared shit; urghhh; which funny enough was a similar colour to some of the rusting on the wheel arches, would have to wait until I got some soapy water at home to hose it off. Yeah, stuffing the engine grill back into place my dreams took a ‘hit’ that day.
Years later when I watched the film Jurassic Park, the thoughts of Knowsley Safari Park came drifting back to me. Probably because Steven Spielberg must have visited a Monkey Land near him. Where as I was crestfallen, broken hearted and distraught, he was obviously inspired by the experience of relentless attack by marauding animals, and hence, that is why his life ended up so different to mine. :0)
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We bought an injury prone player. I was never in doubt of that.
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Sell him and give his wages to Mo 
Injury-prone player? Not with us. He had three ‘injuries’,
First, he was out with COVID that’s not injury prone you are sick when you have COVID.
Second, some Everton thug put him in hospital for three months, that’s not injury prone that was an attack on his legs.
Third, he is out with a calf injury so basically, that is the first in one and a half-season.
You made it clear that you were against him coming here and that injury-prone BS fits your agenda, so be it but Thiago has not been injury prone since he is with us.
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It’s really shit news that he’s going to be out for another month but with Curtis back we’ll manage. At least he’s going to be fresh when we start getting into the December fixtures. (8 games !)
He’s going to need to have a storming 2H of the season otherwise think we’ll need to replace. Shit we will need to be heavy in the market in the summer just when Newcastle will be inflating everything.
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He’s a slow healer. He wasn’t fit last season. Even when he played he said he was playing through pain and it’s not all linked to the Richarlison injury. He had a niggling hamstring. Now this injury. He’s barely been fully fit since we bought him.
Ahhhh memories. my first car was a 1973 MGB, my dad found it for me as a project and we worked on it for 6 months in the garage before I got my license at 16. learned basic mechanics and car maintenance, Lucas wiring (shudder 
) and to never touch dual-carb engines again.
Had that car for 3 years (and many a date) until I parked it right outside a bar close to home and a brawl occured near the entrance. Bouncers got involved, (this was a smaller town at the time, so the doormen were always protective of the local ladies) and some fella from across the river got thrown right on top of my soft-top. trashed the roof, mangled the frame, blood leaking down inside the carpet and upholstery and it started pouring rain about an hour later while the police were still on scene taking reports. by the time I got it home, I had puddles in the floorboards and the battery compartment, and I couldn’t get the tarp I put over it to drain the water away in the middle of the night so I ended up with a swimming pool inside.
Ended up selling the car for 4X what I paid for it, but was sad to see it go.
Anyways…Thanks for the memory.
First cars are like a first crush eh… You never forget them :0)
Knew a guy once that bought a new car after struggling with numerous ‘old bangers’ for many years. Nicest feller you could ever meet, and as he had just finished his Eng. apprenticeship, meaning he went onto full money, he took out a loan to get a car that went with his new found status of being a Full Tradesman…! Yeah that’s the way it was back then eh.
Anyway, bought and registered in his dads name so the insurance costs were lower, this was a four door instead of a two, and a fair bit bigger in length and width than what he was normally used to…
So, sods law, within no more than a fortnight, taking a left-hand turning he clipped a cyclist; no wing mirrors either on some cars in the day; which caused them to go careering into and over the pavement ending up flat on their back with the bike looking a bit worse for wear. He stops, jumps out, looks at his ‘new’ car for any damage, then runs to this cyclist.
Turns out it was a girl of about 25yrs old, no cycling helmets back then, and he said it was obvious she had banged the back of her head quite hard as she lay there on her back. She appeared a touch dazed and was constantly grimacing with the obvious pain she was in. As he was kneeling down leaning over her, and concerned people started to gather round offering words of comfort, ringing for an ambulance on seeing evidence of blood and shock etc… it began to rain, and rain quite heavily!
Like I said, he was a nice enough guy, and not wanting for her to remain prostrate on the wet pavement, he encouraged her, with some help from the small crowd, and hoisted her into the passenger seat of this ‘new’ car, so he could run the engine and put the heater on, make her comfortable until this ambulance arrived.
Not sure if it was procedure when an ambulance is called to a traffic accident, that the police were also called as a given, same for the fire brigade also. So the police arrive a few minutes before the ambulance, assessing the situation, as they do… fire engine arrives, then all kinds of bedlam broke out. This lad said he got ‘bollocked’ like never before in his life from everyone… the medical crew/ firemen/police and even some rubber necker’s within the crowd were jeering him… All because the news spread he had moved the girl into his car, and now the medical crew refused to bundle her exit out of the car door in the same way she was bundled in… in case she had a spinal or neck injury of any sorts.
He said that was it… he thinking he would be praised as the good Samaritan after the crash, instead they made him feel like a right twat for being such a knob in them circumstances… He thinks more to teach him a lesson, than anything else… the Firemen proceeded to cut through the four upright door stanchions with some bolt cutter things in order to lift the entire roof off the car. Apparently, because it was safer to lift the girl out through the roof space and in that manner than any other way…!!!
The girl went in the ambulance off to get checked out, the police refused to let him drive the car home in that condition, so cost of tow-truck was added to his bill, along with the insurance company refusing to pay out his loss because he had instigated the damage caused…!!
Three weeks later he turns up to work in another ‘Old Banger’ :0)
Cars eh… tell some stories they can