We’ve put Kiwis in charge.
It’s confused NZ.
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86-8 
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So your telling me, that I’m watching NZ vs NZ ‘B’ team?
Nah we just picked a guy who knows something instead of the usual yea men on blazers who amounted to very little.
England making heavy weather of replying to NZ paltry total
So we’ve learnt that the new England can bowl and Potts seems a decent incoming bowler.
The batting is as poor as ever.
England’s new era lasted two sessions
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Not sure, but apparently someone found them.
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It really annoys me how garbage they are. I think it’s about time a real shakeup was done. Maybe a complete reset.
Matty Potts at least was a bright spark and with Ollie Robinson might offer some hope for the future.
England in ‘Changing captain doesn’t actually improve mentally weak batting top order’ shock!
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I quite liked
“Fuck me you’re fat”
“That’s because every time I bone your wife she gives me half a biscuit”
My favorite when you get a batsman that refuses to step out of the crease.
‘Stick a Mars bar short of a good length, that might tempt him out of his crease!’
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For accuracy,
Eddo Brandes to McGrath…
Glenn McGrath: “How come you’re so fat?”
Brandes: “Because every time I fuck your wife she gives me a biscuit”
Healey to Warne, who had speculated how to get the portly Arjuna Ranatunga to leave his crease,
“Put a Mars bar on a good length, that should do it”
In a reversal of this insult, Warne welcomed his bunny, Darryl Cullinan to the crease by saying, “I’ve waited two years for this”.
“Looks like you spent it eating” replied Cullinan.
There are loads. Cricket is such a rich seam for these things because of the proximity of the players, the pauses in play, the way fast bowlers follow through towards the batsman after their delivery, the relatively legnthy walk on and off following a dismissal…just brilliant.
I was under the helmet with the pads and box recently. Bat said “You’re actually going to just stand there are you?”
I trust that to an enlightened forum I don’t need to explain my response. You throw them up mate, I’ll hit them out of the park. He was bowled 2 balls later.
You have a talking bat?
40 run lead with 7 wickets in hand. We’re probably getting close to the sort of lead England will feel anxious about pursuing. 
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You mean anything over 50?
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47 with 6 wickets left in hand now. Feel for anyone with tickets for days 3, 4, or 5. What a terrible test pitch.
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Fixed for accuracy
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teams then, surely? - both have been rubbish