That explains the majority of your posts 
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:0)
The Pope is handing out miracles to people in Liverpool
Old Billy walks on stage and asks him, “Can you help me with my hearing”…?
The Pope says “Yes”.. and puts his hands on Billy’s ears and prays.
He then removes his hands and says “How is your hearing now”…?
Billy says, " I don’t know, it’s not until next Wednesday"
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I won’t ask how you found that, @aussielad
:0)
I was looking at my wife, no teeth in, tits on her belly, hair a mess and smoking a roll up.
Then she cocked her leg and let out a massive fart.
“You are a mess and I’m disgusted with you.” I said.
“I’m still the woman you love and married,” She said.
“Sometimes we all let ourselves go a bit.”
“We’re on our fuckig honeymoon,” I replied…
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That provoked an actual LOL @sandsoftime
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here
A woman asks her husband at breakfast, “Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?”
He declines. “Thanks for asking, but I’m not hungry right now. It’s this Viagra,” he says. “It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”
At lunchtime, she asks if he would like something. “How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?”
He declines. “The Viagra,” he says. “It’s really spoiled my need for food.”
At dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. “Would you like a juicy rib-eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir-fry?” He declines again. “No,” he says, “it’s got to be the Viagra. I’m still not hungry.”
“Well,” she says, “would you mind getting off me? I’m starving.”
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A man was hunting when a gust of wind blew. The gun fell over and discharged, shooting him in the genitals.
Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.
“Well, sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buckshot.”
“What’s the bad news?” asked the hunter.
“The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your willy, which left quite a few holes in it. I’m going to have to refer you to my sister.”
“Well, I guess that isn’t too bad,” the hunter replied. “Is your sister a plastic surgeon?”
“Not exactly,” answered the doctor. “She’s a flute player in the Boston Symphony Orchestra. She’s going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don’t piss in your eye.”
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