Today I learned the average male swears 90-100 times a day.
Also I am above average in something.
I do that many just getting out of bed
See men can multi task
How do you get 4 elephants in a mini?
2 in the front, 2 in the back
How do you know when there is 8 elephants in a church?
There’s 2 mini’s park out the front
Its 1970.
I’m back in primary school…
You spelled 1950 wrong
He was held back for 20 years.
3rd class/form
The hardest five years of my life
It’s 2020s Straya, mate. It’s the height of our culcha, we are known for our sophisticated repartee. Indeed it’s so strong that it remains even in those who end up in Blighty (although @SBYM was spared).
Not really a joke, but still fucking funny.
On the bus earlier, 2 parents got on with 3 kids - 2 sons and a daughter. The 2 sons were obviously dealing with pent up energy and needing to do something active to burn it off were being typical annoying siblings. Mum was trying to deal with them, as daughter and dad sat together when they started teasing her. Obviously this had been going on earlier and she was in no mood for dealing with them any longer and dropped the ultimate line “If you 2 were half as smart as you both think you are, you’d still be twice as dumb as you really are!”
Needless to say, the father laughed more than the rest of the bus at that.
Bilbo’esk.
Hope you never told her a joke , otherwise she would have turned her anger at you🤣
This destroys Evolution Theory, as it is not supposed to happen this fast. And yet ? Russian officials of the younger generation, is clearly observed having evolved in such a way that it has become impractical to stage a defenestration.
Nature is beautiful ! It always finds a way !
Rather long, but I thought worth sharing:
It’s parents’ evening at a nice grammar school and a Catholic Priest and a Rabbi find themselves sitting next to each other while the presentations part of the evening is going on. They start whispering to each other.
The priest says to the rabbi, ‘Excuse me, i don’t want to be rude but can I ask you a personal question? Have you ever tasted pork?’
The rabbi says, ‘No, absolutely not. Forbidden in our religion, as you know. And I was brought up in a very Orthodox home.’
But the priest presses on.
‘What? Not even, when you were a boy, just to see what it tasted like?’
So the rabbi tells a story of how when he was a boy he went round to one of his friends’ houses and they were having bacon sandwiches for tea, and just out of curiosity, he had some.
‘I tried it,’ says the rabbi, ‘I had a bacon sandwich, but please don’t share that around, eh?’
So the two of them go on sitting watching the presentation. After a bit, the rabbi whispers to the priest, ‘I don’t want to be personal but can I ask you about celibacy? Have I got this right? You’ve never had sex of any kind? Is that right?’
‘That’s right,’ said the priest. ‘The Catholic Church calls its priests to a life of celibacy, and I chose to embrace that commitment completely, even before my ordination.’
‘Really?’ said the rabbi, ‘not even once? You know, when you were a teenager, and people were…you know…experimenting?’
‘Well,’ whispers the priest, ‘as you’ve asked, and you were frank and honest with me, I can honestly say, yes, there was one occasion, when I was with a delightful girl in my year at school and, yes, we…er…did…you know…as you say, have a sexual experience together.’
There was a long pause.
And then the rabbi says, ‘Better than bacon, isn’t it.’
A bacon buttie tends to last longer