A friend of mine (not me, honestly) and his wife were sitting on their sofa watching a show about psychology. The show was talking about mixed emotions. He paused the show and turned to her and said “I’ll bet you a new Mercedes-Benz that there is nothing you can say to me to give me mixed emotions”. She says to him, “Out of all of your current friends, you have the biggest penis”.
A man is sitting next to a woman who is trying to breast feed her baby on a bus. The baby refuses to eat and the mother warns, “If you don’t eat I’ll give it to the man next to me.” The baby refuses. After twenty minutes the mother repeats the threat.
The man clears his throat and says. “Hey lady, you better make up you mind. I was supposed to get off the bus six stops ago.”
My partner sent me a sweet text that read, “If you’re sleeping, send me your dreams. If you’re laughing, send me your smile. If you’re crying, send me your tears. I love you!”
I replied, “I’m on the toilet, please advise…”
Our Salah replacement
My wife kicked me out of our house after she caught me measuring my penis.
For the record, it reached the back of her sister’s throat
