A guy says to his wife, “I’m in the mood for some 69.”
She says, “It’s that time of the month, but if you don’t care, I don’t care.”
They go into the bedroom, and are 69’ing like mad dogs when the doorbell rings.
She says, “Answer the door.”
He says, “But my face is a mess.”
She says, “It’s just the postman. Answer the door, and if he says anything, just tell him you were eating a jam sandwich.”
He opens the door and says, “I’m sorry about my mouth, I was eating a strawberry jam sandwich.”
The mailman says, “I wasn’t looking at the jam on your mouth…I was looking at the peanut butter on your forehead.”
A priest goes for a walk and gets stuck in quicksand. He can’t free himself.
The fire brigade comes along and they shout: “Don’t worry, we’ll have you out of there in a sec!”
The priest responds: “It’s alright, the lord will save me.” The fire brigade moves on.
The priest sinks in the sand until he’s in there to the waist.
Fire brigade comes along again and they want to save him again, he just says the lord will save him.
The priest sinks until only his head is outside.
Fire brigade comes a third time and wants to save him. He just says “I’m sure the lord will save me any minute now.”
The priest dies, goes to heaven and says to his Lord: “Why didn’t you save me?”
The Lord responds: “I sent the fire brigade THREE freaking times, what more did you want???”
