https://twitter.com/momentoviral/status/1667592314238189570?s=61&t=CHnRQ3uRWoyAgq-tzUnftA
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A woman asks her husband if he’d like some breakfast. “Bacon and eggs, perhaps a slice of toast? Maybe a nice sectioned grapefruit, and a cup of fresh coffee?”
He declines. “It’s this Viagra,” he says, “it’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”
At lunch time, she asks if he would like something. “A bowl of home made soup, maybe, with a cheese sandwich? Or how about a plate of snacks and a glass of milk?”
Again he declines. “No, thanks. It’s this Viagra,” he says, “It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”
At dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat, offering to go to the cafe and buy him a burger supper. “Or would you rather I make you a pizza from scratch? Or, how about a tasty stir fry? That’ll only take a couple of minutes…?”
Once more, he declines. “Again, thanks, but it’s this Viagra. It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”
“Well, then”, she says, “Would you mind getting off me? I’m f#cking STARVING!”
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Three mortuary attendants discovered a dead man with a hard on.
The first one said, “I can’t let that go to waste” so she climbed on and had a ride.
The second one did the same
.
The third attendant hesitated and explained she was in the middle of her period but encouraged by her friends,she finally did the same.
Suddenly the man sat up.
The women were very embarrassed and apologize saying they thought he was dead.
The man replied, “I was but two jump starts and a blood transfusion made all the difference.”
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A young guy from Wisconsin moves to Texas and goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?”
The kid says “Yeah. I was a salesman back in Wisconsin.”
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down.
"How many customers bought something from you today?
The kid says “one”.
The boss says “Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?”
The kid says “$141,237.65”.
The boss says “$141,237.65? What the heck did you sell?”
The kid says, “First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod and reel. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition.”
The boss said “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?”
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot, you should go fishing…’
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I always need a piss, don’t you?
