An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are working on a building site…
High above the city, they sit together, eating their lunch as they do every lunchtime.
The Englishman, Arthur, opens his lunchbox and picks out his sandwiches.
“I say! roast beef sandwiches. I’m sick of roast beef sandwiches! If I’ve got roast beef sandwiches tomorrow, I shall throw myself off this building!”
Andrew, the Scot, opens his sandwiches, “Ach! haggis sandwiches! I’m sick of haggis sandwiches! If I get haggis sandwiches tomorrow, I shall throw myself off this building!”
Paddy likewise opens his sandwiches, “Feck! potato sandwiches! I’m sick of potato sandwiches! If I get potato sandwiches tomorrow, I shall throw myself off this building!”
The next days come and, what do you know. Arthur has roast beef again.
Without a word, he jumps from the 20th floor. Likewise, Andrew has haggis. Without so much as a whisper, he swan-dives the full 20 floors.
Mournfully, Paddy eyes his potato sandwiches. With a final salute to the world, he too jumps off. All three men are quite dead.
At the funeral, the tearful wife of the Englishman says, “All Arthur had to do was tell me he didn’t like roast beef. I’d have made him another filling!”
The wife of the Scotsman sniffs, “I loved my Andrew! I would have made him any sandwich he’d asked for, if he’d just said something!”
The wife of the Irishman is quite unmoved, “The fecking idiot made his own sandwiches!”
Never gets old this one
https://youtube.com/shorts/Qu369wid6vs?si=gShs535-lTKIYBeS
Seems like good advice too me
I couldn’t tell what the guy said to her, but it looked as though she maybe liked hearing it? 
A man works as a train driver in Bulgaria. One day, he falls asleep at the controls and accidentally runs over someone walking on the tracks. He’s arrested, goes to trial, and is sentenced to death.
On death row, the executioner asks him, “What would you like for your last meal?”
“I’d like a banana,” the man says.
The executioner finds it strange but shrugs and brings him a banana. The man eats it, is strapped into the electric chair, and the switch is flipped.
Nothing happens.
In Bulgaria, a failed execution is considered an act of divine intervention, and the man is released.
A few months later, the man is driving trains again for a different company. Unfortunately, old habits die hard. He falls asleep at the controls once more, this time killing two people. He’s arrested, tried, and sentenced to death again.
Back on death row, the same executioner approaches him.
“You again? What do you want for your last meal this time?”
“Two bananas, please.”
Shaking his head, the executioner gives him the bananas. The man eats them, is strapped into the chair, and the switch is flipped.
Nothing happens.
Once again, the man walks free.
Months pass. One day, the executioner is stunned to see the same man back on death row for a third time, this time for running over three people with a train.
The executioner approaches him cautiously. “Let me guess. Three bananas?”
“Actually, yes! How did you know?”
“That’s it,” says the executioner. “This has gone on long enough. No bananas this time.”
The man is strapped into the electric chair with no last meal. The switch is flipped.
Nothing happens.
“I don’t understand!” the executioner shouts. “You didn’t eat any bananas!”
The man sighs and says,
“It’s not the bananas. I’m just a bad conductor.”
