My wife and I had dinner at another couples house, and after eating, the ladies left the table and went into the kitchen.
We were just sitting there talking, and I said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really good.
He said, “What was the name of the restaurant?”
I thought and I thought, and I just couldn’t remember the name. Finally I said, “What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that that’s red and has thorns.”
“Do you mean a rose?”
“Yes that’s the one,” I replied.
I then turn towards the kitchen and yelled, “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?”
A man playing a new golf course got confused about which hole he was on.
He noticed a woman playing ahead of him, walked up, and asked if she knew where he stood.
She said, “I’m on the 7th hole, and you’re one hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th.”
He thanked her and continued on.
On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached the lady, again with the same request.
She said, “I’m on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th.”
Once again, he thanked her.
After finishing his round, he went into the clubhouse and saw the woman sitting at the bar. Wanting to show his appreciation, he offered to buy her a drink. They started chatting, and he asked what she did for a living.
“I’m in sales,” she said.
“So am I,” he said. “What do you sell?”
She replied, “If I told you, you would only laugh.”
“No, I wouldn’t,” he insisted.
“I sell tampons.”
At that, he burst out laughing and nearly fell off his stool.
She said, “See, I knew you would laugh.”
“That’s not what I’m laughing at!” he replied. “I’m a toilet paper salesman, so I’m STILL one hole behind you!”
This is how we see each other 
Sorry.
I get around. I wasn’t aware that some disloyal cunt had written on my note with a blue pen and then uploded it though.
I must get better friends.
A teacher is teaching a class and notices Johnny isn’t paying attention, so she asks him, “If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?” Johnny says, “None.” The teacher asks, “Why?” Johnny says, “Because the shot scared them all off.” The teacher says, “No, two, but I like how you’re thinking.”
Johnny asks the teacher, “If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor—one licking her ice cream, one sucking her ice cream, and one biting her ice cream—which one is married?” The teacher says, “The one sucking her ice cream.” Johnny says, “No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you’re thinking!”
A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says: “Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.” The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing “That’s horrible!!!
So many men dying that way!”
Confused, he says, “Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved.”
After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, “How many is a Brazilian?”
