King Arthur got cursed with a strange disease…
… and only an old, ugly witch can cure him.
But the witch demanded a young, handsome knight for husband, and Galahad took it for the team and married her.
On the night of the wedding, the witch turned into a beautiful woman and offered Galahad the choice: she could be old and ugly during the day, and young and beautiful at night, or vice versa.
Galahad told her that he respected her choice over her appearance, and she could decide that.
The witch was pleased, as Galahad knew what a woman wanted the most: freedom over her body.
She told Galahad that she would be a beautiful wife for him all the time for him.
The moral of the story is that:
No matter how good your wife looks, she is still a witch underneath.
I’d take issue with the not leaving Denmark bit. They are quite capable of driving down the Autobahn to Hamburg whilst pissed.
What do you mean ?
(maybe i forgot to add that this looks just like a Norwegian party, but )
Thought I was watching footage of those England cricketers in Australia recently …
True… he does look as though he’s absolutely busting for a shit.
Whilst cleaning her teeange son’s room, a wife disovers a bunch of bdsm gear. She asks her husband what they should do about it.
The husband says “Probably don’t spank him”
The fact they made it work is actually kinda impressive
Actually, I think ‘Teenage BDSM’ is on another site. Ask Andrew, he probably knows.
Never misses, a triple threat and a bulls eye transfer target
also Tolkien; ‘here…here, you can have this book called the silmarillion for good measure’
Amazing stories in the Silmarillion. Just so hard to comprehend the writing tho 
Three boys enter a haunted house. One brings a knife, one brings a gun, and one brings a pack of throat lozenges.
They creep inside and immediately regret the decision.
It is pitch black and silent, and only one of them thought to bring a flashlight. The beam barely pushes back the darkness as they move through dust and cobwebs. The floor creaks. Their breathing sounds too loud. You could hear a pin drop.
Suddenly, a deep moan rises from below. “OOoooUUuuuuu.” The house has been abandoned for years. Who, or what, could make that sound? The boys exchange glances but press on, hearts racing.
In the kitchen, a swarm of flies buzzed against their faces. They bolted through the door without looking back. The moan came again, louder and closer.
They stepped into the dining room and froze. An abandoned table sat under layers of cobwebs, dusty goblets and silverware glinting faintly, spiders crawling over ivory plates.
Then the howl came again.
“ooOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOooo.”
They reached the basement stairs. The sound rose from below. Two of the boys exchanged nervous glances. Something was waiting down there.
The third boy said confidently, “We’re going down.” Not wanting to seem weak, the others nodded.
The stairs creaked and the banister rattled. Insects scattered with each step as they descended, knowing it was a terrible idea but unable to turn back.
The sound grew louder.
“oOOooooUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO.”
At the basement door, the hinges shrieked. The boys flinched but forced themselves to look.
In the center of the basement sat a coffin. Twisted wood buckled, metal strained, and it was covered in skulls, antlers, and dark, rotting ornaments, soaked in blood.
The house was truly haunted. The boys realized the moaning came from the coffin. Terror set in.
Before they could run, it shook, lifted off the ground, and began to spin, slowly at first, then faster. The air churned around it. The boys stood frozen, unable to move or look away.
“OOOoooOouuUUUUUuuuuUOOuouOOOOoo”
The boy with the knife aimlessly slashed at the air, then dropped it and ran up the stairs, never to return.
The boy with the gun blindly fired two shots, then dropped it and ran after him, also never to be seen again.
The third boy calmly pulled a throat lozenge from his pocket, popped it into his mouth and sucked on it for a moment…and the coffin stopped.
I read all that for that?
Boo, rubbish, get outta here. 
Charlatan!