You need a day and a half to shop at an Ikea store. 20 minutes to look at stuff the rest to find the way out.
My local one you have to negotiate stairs. If you have problems with stairs your fucked unless you find a bed.
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Your forgetting the time to sit down and eat a plate of meatballs.
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Where are the teddy bears?
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A deaf accountant works for the mafia…
One day, the kingpin mafioso is checking out the books and notices there’s a million dollars missing. He calls a meeting with the deaf accountant and a sign language translator.
“Ok, there’s a million dollars missing, where is it?” asks the kingpin.
The translator says, “There’s a million dollars missing, boss wants to know where it is.”
The deaf man signs over to the translator, “What? I have no idea what he’s talking about.”
The translator says to the boss, “Boss, he says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about”.
The boss says to the translator, “I’m gonna ask one more time. Where is the money?”
The translator says to the deaf accountant, “He’s asking one more time, where’s the money?”
Deaf man reiterates to the translator through sign, “Seriously, I don’t know what he’s talking about!”
The translator says to the Boss, “He says he seriously doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”
The boss is now infuriated.
He slams his fist down on the table and points a gun at the accountant’s head.
He tells the translator, “TELL THIS MOTHER FKER I WILL BLOW HIS BRAINS ALL OVER THIS DESK IF HE DOESN’T TELL ME WHERE THE MONEY IS RIGHT FKING NOW”
The translator signs to the accountant, “Ok he’s dead serious. You’d better tell him where the money is, or he’s going to kill you right here.”
Accountant signs to the translator, “OK! OK! I’ll tell you! I hid it in a briefcase underneath my deck!”
Mafia Boss asks, “Well, what did he say?!”
The translator says, “He said, go F**K yourself.”
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An old man is walking along a river with a bucket of fish, when a game warden stops him and asks, “Do you have a license to catch those fish?”
The old man says, “No sir, I don’t. These are my pet fish.”
“Pet fish?!” the warden replies, skeptical. “How is that?”
The man explains, “Well, every day I take my pet fish down to the water and let them swim for about half an hour. Then I whistle, they jump back into my bucket, and we go home. We do this every single day.”
The game warden, not believing a word, says, “That’s a bunch of nonsense. Fish can’t do that. I’m going to ticket you.”
The old man says, “Fine, I’ll show you.” He dumps the fish into the river and waits.
Five minutes go by, and the warden says, “Well, are you going to call them back?”
The old man looks at the warden and asks, “Call who back?”
“The fish!” the warden yells.
The old man asks, “What fish?”
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My girlfriend left me after I had one of those penis extensions.
She said she just couldn’t take it any longer.
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That’s hardly believable. Unless the barman had a blocked nose.
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