A man died yesterday after being attacked with sandpaper.
Police say the assailant only planned to rough him up
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I hate people who think it’s cool to take drugs.
Like customs officers.
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A man went into the confessional and said to his priest. I almost had an affair with another woman.
The priest said, What do you mean, almost?
The man said, Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped!
The priest said, Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again.
For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box!
The man left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!
The man replied, Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!

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Jeez, mate. The shit on that guy’s page is fucking toxic!
Thanks @Retro_Helix
Keep up the good work.
With all the wars, corruption and a shit team to follow, this is one of the few threads that isn’t totally fucking depressing right now. 
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Just saw 2 blind guys fighting.
Should have seen the look on both their faces when I said “My money’s on the guy with a knife”
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Oh fuck, aussielad is on the scene, with his jokes in here , we’ll all end up enlisting in the army just to make sure we have a quicker death🤣
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