Did you know that some days, the answer to all of your problems begin with the word fuck.
Fuck no.
Fuck this.
Fuck that.
Fuck you.
Fuck off.
Genius
A priest, a pastor and a rabbit walked in to a blood donation clinic.
The nurse asked the rabbit: “What is your blood type?”
“I am probably a type O”, said the rabbit.
Three women work in the same office with the same female boss. Every day, they noticed the boss left work early.
One day, the girls decided that,
when the boss left, they’d be right behind her. After all, she never called or came back, so how was she to know?
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her spa before meeting a dinner date.
The blonde was happy to be home, but when she got to her bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS!! Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.
The next day, at coffee break, the brunette and redhead mentioned leaving early again, and asked the blonde if she was with them.
“NO WAY,” she exclaimed, “I almost got caught yesterday!”
Two pissed men visited a brothel…
The madam takes a look at them and tells her manager, 'Put inflatable dolls in their bedrooms. These guys are too drunk to notice.
After finishing their acts, on their way back home:
1st drunk: I think my girl was dead as she never made a noise or made a move.
Upon this, the 2nd drunk: Mine was worse. I think she was a witch!
1st drunk: Why would you say that?
2nd drunk: Well, I gave her a little love bite on her bum, then she farted in my face, and flew out of the window!
A kindergarten teacher is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word “definitely”. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. The first student raised his hand and said, “The sky is definitely blue”. The teacher said, “Well, that isn’t entirely correct, because sometimes it’s grey and cloudy”. Another student says, “Grass is definitely green.” The teacher again replies “If grass doesn’t get enough water it turns brown, so that isn’t really correct either.” Finally, Billy raises his hand and asks the teacher “Do farts have lumps?” The teacher looked at him and said “No…But that isn’t really a question you want to ask in class discussion.” So Billy replies, “Then I definitely just shit my pants.”
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Walmart. The husband picks up a case of beer and puts it in their cart.
“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the wife.
“They’re on sale! Only $10 for 24 cans,” he replies.
“Put them back,” demands the wife. “We can’t afford them.”
A few aisles further along, the wife picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
“What do you think you’re doing?” asks the husband.
“It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,” said the wife.
The husband retorts, “So does 24 cans of beer, and it’s half the price.”
Creation
