And the sauce. Don’t discount that.
‘I ate Tim Martin’s Wetherspoons order – my mouth was on fire and one thing was missing’
What’s on the menu then
I took on the challenge of eating Sir Tim Martin’s “dream order” from one of his Wetherspoons pubs.
The bargain boozer mogul sat down with this publication last month and, among many things, discussed with us what his dream order would be from Wetherspoons. Tim would start the day with “a small breakfast– the breakfast of the gods.”
Breakfast is served - but where on earth is the toast?
He added: “For lunch I’d have a southern fried chicken wrap with a salad, and in the evening I’d have fish and chips – if I’m allowed – if not I’d have steak and kidney pie, which is less calorific.” Let’s just note at this stage Tim isn’t having all three meals on the same day, but we thought we’d do just that – just because why not?
With the sun beating down on a blissful early April day, our course was set fair for Spoons Day. Our location would be The Ledger Building in Canary Wharf – with nothing but an expenses form and a can-do attitude we headed down.
We began of course with the small breakfast, delighting in the serried ranks of the English Breakfast celebs assembled on our plate. A fried egg, a Lincolnshire sausage, some baked beans and a hash brown. No toast unfortunately which felt incomplete, but not to worry I had a long day of excess ahead.
Delicious, now what’s for lunch?
A couple of hours later I returned for lunch. Tim, who walks most places rather than get transport, has a reasonably healthy southern fried chicken wrap and salad as his second meal of the day. Well played.
Did we enjoy it? It was splendid – the perfect lightish bite following the breakfast we were still a bit full from. The only thing was a rather spicy sauce that accompanied it which was almost too much to handle.
But – are we really going to complain about spicy discomfort on a national news website and undermine our reputation for being steely-eyed tabloid journalists? Of course we’re not, it was absolutely fine. Keep it coming please.
That’s a wrap!
Dinner swung round before we could say “fish and chips to table 162, please” and there we were facing down our final meal of the day.
Tim says he’ll only eat the British classic “if he’s allowed”, on occasion trading in the battered cod for the less calorific steak and ale pie.
We were keen to finish with a flourish however, so fish and chips (with mushy peas) it was. This was of course accompanied by Tim’s favourite pint: Abbot Ale.
I nearly cried
Although the first two meals had star quality in droves, the third was the coup de grace. You just can’t go wrong with fish and chips can you? Every bite – except the last which was tinged with sadness – was a dream. I nearly cried. Wetherspoons is just a great, dependable, restaurant and pub really.
Pfffft. Amateur.
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Are Scotch Eggs tasty ?
Boiling an egg , than wrapping it in sausage , and then rolling them in breadcrumbs before frying. Seems a bit too much ?
And why sausages ?
Pretty sure there you can use minced meat instead.
Yes!
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Double yes, I love them.
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Sausage meat is minced pork with seasoning and in the UK other stuff (like flour). I use minced pork and add my preferred seasoning (salt and pepper is enough but I like a bit of sage and basil and at times a bit of couscous mixed spices (too lazy to add them separately 
)).
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Too fucking right.
The sausages look overdone, and the mash anaemic.
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You did that on purpose 
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I am in the mood for laddu today, so was just looking for places near me that do them. During my research, I came across this:
If we ever have a TAN party, I’m ordering that. It might even shut up @Alright_Now_Legend for five minutes, although I doubt it.
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I kept reading Tape worm. It put me off for ever.
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which type of laddu ?
That’s a very generic name for an Indian sweet.
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FFS. The type we get in London.
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Doubt it’s going to be any good.
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Do you Haldiram’s in the UK?
Those ought to have decent enough sweets.
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Never heard of them. I have been recommended this place:
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Blind leading the blind
Haldiram is a known brand across India.
I’m not saying they are really good etc. But atleast consistent.
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Unless there are other Indians who do stay in London who will be able to provide you better recommendations. As in guys who know the brick hall area.
Come to think of it , my friend probably knows that area. I’ll ask him and revert back.