The Manchester United Thread: That's It. That's the Joke (Part 1)

[RedOpium]

Should be the benny Hill music.

[Mascot]

@Bekloppt

@aussielad

@DublinRed

Maybe @PeachesEnRegalia, @Scott.Jones, @SBYM and @Bekloppt should team up for a joint effort… now that might be prime time.

But who would be the ditzy blonde?

I could do it:

O my god, they’ve scored! That was really bad defending. Really bad. Really really bad. They’ve just scored because of some really really bad defending. Why do we always do that? We defend so bad. Really really bad. Guess what, bad defending by us again and they’ve scored. It’s always the same. We always do that. Really bad etc etc ad infinitum

Alice wouldn’t go straight to accepting they’ve scored. She’d do a couple of minutes wondering what happened before asking ‘have they scored?’ thirty times, and then doing a minute each imploring for handball, offside and finally a foul on the keeper. Only then will she accept it’s a goal.

[Mascot]

@SBYM

As an aside, the fee Utd paid will go down as perhaps the biggest WTF moment in PL transfer history. I understand quantum mechanics more than I understand how Leicester got 80m for this cat.

I genuinely think part of it was wanting to pay more than we’d paid for Van Dijk.

[Kopstar]

@aussielad

@PeachesEnRegalia

I’d still let her sit on my face.

At least you’d have her voice muffled, so yeah, maybe

[peterroberts]

Incredibly , I think there’s some truth in that.

[peterroberts]

Now imagine trying to make a compilation of Van Dijk’s fuck-ups. You’d be lucky if it went beyond thirty seconds.

[Commando]

Ralf has said in the paper about Maguire " He’s our Captain and I don’t see any reason to change that". Let’s hope that he never sees that blooper reel that @SBYM posted. Maguire being in there is as good as a goal for the opposition.

[Klopptimist]

Not even on TV, my how the mighty have fallen.

[Rooster]

Sensing a Ronaldo penalty next match.

[anon59854308]

@Mascot

@SBYM

As an aside, the fee Utd paid will go down as perhaps the biggest WTF moment in PL transfer history. I understand quantum mechanics more than I understand how Leicester got 80m for this cat.

I genuinely think part of it was wanting to pay more than we’d paid for Van Dijk.

Now i wish we had paid more for VVD
(it would still prove to be value for money)

Just to make Man Utd pay more for Maguire,

[Jimmyscase]

I’m ready for the next episode of this classic comedy, Ever Decreasing Circles

[sandsoftime]

Guy just said he has seen milk turn quicker than Harry Maguire…

[GermanRed]

Great header by the Brighton player and a monster safe by DDG.

[PeachesEnRegalia]

Someone on the caf just said that the OT crowd are chanting “YOU’RE FUCKING SHIT” at United players. Anyone confirm?

[sandsoftime]

Only heard loads of Booos at the half-time whistle… 0-0 - 2nd half starts

[Sithbare]

goal scored and brighton man down

[Klopptimist]

Kit Beaupre: That’s never a red card, coming from a United fan, not in a million years, Webster had it covered.

[Sithbare]

fernandes just missed a sitter

[redfanman]

Sean

[Nikola]

Exclusive: Paul Pogba open to Premier League offers if he leaves Manchester...

If I was him, I’d go to PSG but I would piss myself laughing if Juventus got him on a free from Man United twice, all while taking almost 90 million pounds from them.