The Manchester United Thread: That's It. That's the Joke (Part 1)

[ZinedineBiscan]

I think it’s a clause unique to “loan deans”…

[norwegian_wood]

@Nikola

They are in for Benjamin Šeško, who’s seemingly highly rated (and had a really good game in our recent friendly against Salzburg). Hopefully someone pips them to that signing, he looks like a proper striker in the making.

I think everyone are in for him. Well, not everyone, but several big clubs.

[WeeJoe]

@norwegian_wood

but several big clubs.

…plus united

[RedOverTheWater]

I’m not sure we can buy ALL the strikers, but I’d be happy to sign Sesko, and then keep him on loan where he is.

[Red_Submarine]

Cristiano Ronaldo gets Botox injections in his genitals

[Livvy]

It would have been better if I hadn’t read that, it will now come to my mind every time I see him.

Oh Dear

[CanuckoLFC]

I didn’t click on the link…However, one of the use of botox “is used to relax the clenching of muscles”. So, next time when you see a pickup truck with a trailer hitch, plus a pair of hanging decoration in the shape of bollocks (not sure if you get that in EU, but we do have some of those people driving those around in North America), that could be CR7’s

[SBYM]

The last two posts in their transfer thread.

Be patient FFS, you moaning cry babies. Can’t you see we’ve strengthened in positions we already were well stocked in? Never mind the gaping black hole that is our midfield and the sparse options up front. Besides, it’s only checks notes the beginning of the Premier League season.

I just went through our squad and damn it’s depressing. There is so little to look forward to apart from the new manager.
Our midfield & Attack right now is
Fred
Mctominay
Bruno
VDB
Eriksen
Martial(hamstring)
Sancho( ?)
Rashford
Ronaldo ( doubt he is playing again)
Elanga
Amad

How is this even real

CHORTLE!!!

[Klopptimist]

They’ll sign Basil Mc Expensive Instagram star in a week’s time, problem solved.

[Arminius]

@Klopptimist

They’ll sign Basil Mc Expensive Instagram star in a week’s time, problem solved.

They won’t approach Juventus for Pogba until January, surely?

[Nobluff]

@Red_Submarine

Cristiano Ronaldo gets Botox injections in his genitals | Marca

So we can ask the MU management what botox tastes like.

[PeachesEnRegalia]

@SBYM

The last two posts in their transfer thread.

Be patient FFS, you moaning cry babies. Can’t you see we’ve strengthened in positions we already were well stocked in? Never mind the gaping black hole that is our midfield and the sparse options up front. Besides, it’s only checks notes the beginning of the Premier League season.

I just went through our squad and damn it’s depressing. There is so little to look forward to apart from the new manager.
Our midfield & Attack right now is
Fred
Mctominay
Bruno
VDB
Eriksen
Martial(hamstring)
Sancho( ?)
Rashford
Ronaldo ( doubt he is playing again)
Elanga
Amad

How is this even real

CHORTLE!!!

[PeachesEnRegalia]

I don’t know why, but this one had me rolling…

[cynicaloldgit]

@norwegian_wood

several big clubs.

And Man U.

[Rooster]

Why do I get the feeling they jag a late 1-0 compliments of a penalty to you know who.

[Dutch]

Maby because Paul Tierney from greater Manchester is the referee …

[PeachesEnRegalia]

@Rooster

Why do I get the feeling they jag a late 1-0 compliments of a penalty to you know who.

Of course they will, the jammy cunts.

[RedOpium]

Ten Hags started preseason early and I am told they are going to play like Klopps team this season so expect a title challenge.

[Worgan]

There are reports of them trying for 33 year old Marko Arnautovic for £10m.

Please let this be true. Hopefully they give him a 4 year contract of £200,000 a week as well. Not saying he is a bad player. He will do a job for a season. But after that?

[RedOpium]

Spion Kop