Yeah, I’ve been there a few times. Which part(s) are you visiting, any particular town?
If we give you any tips for planning, it won’t be spontaneous anymore 
Flexible. We have 4 or 5 days and will have a car.
Which one’s your mate? I hope the bear, and not the guls or crow.
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If you’re a fan of the sea, then I’d suggest Petrovac as it usually is the least crowded town on the coast. Some nice small beaches there, you can only get to them on foot.
I’d also suggest Ulcinj and its surroundings, there are beaches there than range from “wild” to “urban” but have one thing in common: the sand that is like it was ground in the finest of mills.
People usually visit Budva and Kotor, by the way, I avoid them because they can get pretty crowded (maybe not in this time of the year but definitely in July and August).
Now, if you’re a fan of mountains, rivers and lakes like me, then the northern part of the country is for you. You won’t find much in terms of night life, though, the towns are rather small. However, for outdoor activities, it’s God-given and the food is infinitely better there, too (I’m talking about traditional Montenegrin food).
Now, a tiny disclaimer: I actually come from there, I’ve spent the most of my life there, so I’m obviously biased but you wouldn’t call me biased when I say that Stevie is the best football player I’ve seen in my life, would you? 
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Great stuff, thanks.
What’s good to eat?
That’s the hard part - I don’t know what kind of food you like or dislike and I’m facing extreme difficulties translating that stuff to English.
I like to try the local specialities unless they involve too much offal.
Ugh, I don’t like them either, so you won’t get a recommendation from me!
I’ll write some of the recommendations in Serbian then, you can show this to the waiter if you like to avoid any confusion:
- “kačamak” - there are two versions, one made out of boiled potatos and wheat flour and another made out of corn flour, usually served with soured milk. I suggest you try both, my preference is the first one. This is a specialty in the northern part and if you have the time, try it there and only there. You can find it in my neighbourhood, the Komovi mountains, there are reastaurants and “ethno villages” that serve it.
- “cicvara” - made by mixing the flour with cheese and/or cream cheese (“kajmak”), also served with soured milk
- veal/lamb under “sač” (“sač” is essentially an iron pan that is turned upside-down to cover the seasoned meat, with added spices and vegetables, which is then covered with embers and ash from burning wood) - in my opinion, the most delicious way to prepare the meat in my countries.
- smoked meat of any kind, be it pork, veal or fish (usually carp, you can find it in the vicinity of Skadar lake). You know of prosciutto - our word for it is very similar (“pršuta”), it is made throughout the country. Visitors usually start with this one!
- “pastrmka” fish (I believe that trout would be the closest translation), you can find rather good one in the north but you’ll likely be served the one from controlled fish ponds rather than rivers or lakes. It’s still very good because these ponds are usually filled by water from nearby mountain streams.
- “popeci” - a thin steak that is rolled with cheese and/or “kajmak” and smoked meat inside, then breaded and fried. It’s a specialty in the central part of the country, especially the capital, Podgorica.
- “zeljanica” - a pie made out of green vegetables and cheese, also served with soured milk, a personal favourite of mine.
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What’s wrong with offal ? 
Marvellous. Thank you for taking the time. I’ll look out for those 
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Offal is awful
Nik, you mentioned “sour milk” in a lot of those. Do you mean literally milk that has gone bad so that you wouldnt drink it, or are you talking about a milk product that has had something done to it to make it more tangy, like the way lactic acid producing bacteria is added to milk to make yogurt (with the acid giving it that tangy taste)?
I didn’t know how else to translate it, maybe “soured milk” is the better term - but it is the closest to yogurt, especially in terms of production, only more dense and with a stronger taste that makes it sour but pleasant on the tongue.
I quite literally grew up on it, it is an essential part of all cuisines in Balkan countries. If you ever visit, you just have to try it. It goes well with meat but it is just perfect with pies and vegetable-based dishes. That said, I’d be surprised if it didn’t exist everywhere as it’s not difficult and expensive to make.
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Presumably kind of like Greek yogurt?
That’s even closer actually but I found Greek yogurt a bit… Sweeter? I sound confusing but you probably get what I’m trying to say. 
Sounds a lot like Indian curd.
Ryanair = Bastardi! 
In the spirit of @cynicaloldgit I now avoid flights where possible, and usually take trains across Europe where they’re available. Leads to some interesting experiences, but also usually means somewhere like Montenegro would probably take a longer journey, probably about 3 days each way minimum. Very fond of Seat61 for a basic guide on routes.
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